Thank you for this timely question!
Being part of launching a young adult can be an exciting and challenging time for both, so be gentle with yourself and each other! This developmental stage for a young adult involves differentiation and individuation. I also believe the village that helps raise a young adult goes through
this stage, again, too.
- Differentiation - maintaining a connection with family while also developing a sense of self.
- Individuation - developing a sense of self separate from the identities of others.
So while the young adult still needs support, you need to be curious and ask how you could be helpful. As caregivers of young adults, we need to take a step back from active parenting. Let them take the lead and be there to listen, not lecture or
give advice, unless they ask.
When they do come to you with frustration about this process, you may want to "fix it" for them, and this will only bring on more frustration and disconnection from each other. At this time, be curious and supportive. Acknowledge how hard it is - "Wow, you've got a lot on your mind right now and this sounds frustrating." A great follow-up question would be, "Is it helpful to just talk about it and get it out or do you want some help in
figuring out your next steps?" Just listening is a very important role right now!
Offering help is okay, but keep in mind, this is their work to do, not yours - so encourage them by saying, "I know you're going to figure this out."
So, as a recap, your young adult is developing their independence while still staying connected to their family. So they may feel conflicted, which is a normal reaction to life transitions. Be a calm, consistent and
encouraging presence, for yourself and for your young adult.
It might be a good idea to schedule therapy to address this transition and get support. Feel free to reach out to schedule with one of our therapists or another mental health professional.