New Team Members at River Valley BHWC
Ashley Shelanski - - STARTING JULY 6
Ashley earned her PhD in General Psychology from Northcentral University in 2020, her MA in Clinical Psychology from Argosy University in 2013, and her MS in Kinesiology with an emphasis in Sport Psychology from the University of North Dakota in 2009. Ashley has been working as a Licensed Mental Health Counselor in IA for the past 7 years... find out more
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Wellness Strategy: Quickly Create a Shift in a Negative Emotional Experience
With baseball season in full swing, it reminds us of a story of a wonderful team of 9 year old's that turned a losing attitude into a 1st place championship. This is a true story. This strategy isn't just for kids...or just sports, but any activity that may require us to perform with a level of confidence to be successful.
The kids were down by 4 runs in the 4th inning of the semi-finals. They had been playing hard the whole game but they still needed 4 runs just to tie the game. The score was 6-2. They all felt defeated. Some had not hit the ball well while some had made mistakes in the field. They felt that winning the game was a task that was insurmountable. As they came in to bat in the bottom of the 4th inning, their heads were down.
This is when one very smart mother stepped in. She picked up some sour candies at the concession and asked all the kids to put a sour candy on both sides of their mouth, in the back of their cheeks, to suck on. They weren't sure what to think but they weren't about to decline an offer of candy!
As they started to swing their bats to prepare for the inning, we could already tell that they had reset. They looked like the game hadn't started yet! Their heads weren't hanging down, they were ready to play! In that inning they scored 7 runs to take the lead. Defensively, the opposing team came back to score 3 runs, tying the game at 9. So they came up to bat again in the 5th inning, and they scored another run to take the
lead! Heading into the final inning, they had more energy and confidence than you could ever imagine. Nothing was going to stop them at this point. When they collected the final out for the win, all the kids and parents erupted as they had just earned their spot in the championship game. With that momentum, they went on to win the championship.
Grounding skills are a type of coping strategy that allow us to focus our attention away from what is bothering us most. We often try to think our way out of an emotional experience and use words to convince ourselves or others to “just stop feeling that way.” We say to our children, “Just stop it, it’s not that big of a deal, you’re
overreacting.” We need to "regulate" or "act" our way out of it.
Think of emotional flooding as a small fire happening in the middle part of the brain (the limbic area) and your job is to put the fire out. As parents or care providers we grab the tools of language and conversation to squelch this fire, but find it often aggravates the situation or as I describe it to the parents I work with, "it’s like putting gasoline on a fire when we want it to go out.” A few examples of how we fuel the fire are when we say, “Don’t feel that way, stop it, it’s not that big
of a deal, you’re overreacting.” When this rationalization does not work the child becomes more upset and the adult joins in and becomes emotionally flooded as well and now there are two fires to put out and no effective tools to do it.
Goal 1: To create a shift in the negative emotional experience in order to perform the best they can.
To change the negative thoughts that flood the brain and overwhelm the body, e.g., “We are never going to win, it’s over, We are horrible, I’m not good enough to play on this team, I feel horrible, I can’t do it.”
To learn how to manage big emotions and respond in a way where they are in charge of how they want to move through them.
Step 1: Awareness is key--we have to be aware of how we are responding in order to adjust it. Often kids need their elders to help them notice their shift. Hand them something sour and gently say here, try this and then wait for them to shift before you talk.
Step 2: Move through it with your child – less talking and more walking. Don’t put the gas on the fire, you are the extinguisher and teaching them how to regulate their internal system. This is a life-long skill!
Why it works: The acid in sour foods triggers a response on your taste buds which releases chemicals that relay a message back to your brain. The chemical released is the mood-regulating neurotransmitter Serotonin. That cringe that you experience at the back of the mouth is releasing a message to your brain which can create the shift you are desiring. Serotonin is responsible for many actions within your body but it is
known as one of the happy chemicals. There is no need to talk it out, let your body and brain use the magic it innately holds.
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